For all of you women out there who have endured the life event of menopause, I'm feeling you. When my patients go into detail, giving me an account of their symptoms, I nod my head. Oh sister, I f*#*ing get it. The fast and furious phase of menopause has left chemo side effects in its wake of destruction; leaving behind a shell of myself to function with. Sleepless nights, breakouts like I'm a teenie bopper again, irritability and unpredictability. A whole new level of lability.
I thought I'd pen a letter to my own menopause. Just to look back on this, in case I don't remember specific details due to my lack of sleep -
"Hi. I didn't think we would meet for another 15 years. As with many of the changes in my body that have taken place, without my permission, I've tried to accept you and acknowledge that this is part of the master plan. The plan that continually shows me hardship, but then alleviates the suffering with the beauty and gifts of my own life. Its not all bad, I have a great appreciation for my life, but there sure is a lot of the "not so good" stuff woven in.
You took hold of me just when I began to get back up, after two gruelling years of work and studies post cancer diagnosis, committing myself to long hours, without making excuses and undergoing chemotherapy. It was my first month spent out of hospital in a year and I got the sense I was on the path to recovery. I still am and despite the person I've temporarily become, don't worry, I'll be back - even if you're lingering and keeping me awake at night.
Night sweats? Lymphoma night sweats prepped me for you.
Hormonal break outs? I always wanted to be a teenager again.
Irritability? Perhaps I was getting to nice anyway.
Sleepless nights? I love a good nap.
I'm about to put this fire out and take some hormones and if any of my GP colleagues are interested - I can tell you all about whats next.