"You must be so angry"

I sat with an acquaintance a few days ago, upon completion of sitting in the chemo chair for round two. This individual looked at me as we chatted and bluntly said a little something like this: "You must be so angry. You barely got a chance to work as a doctor after all of those years studying and you already had so many hurdles in your life to get through. You just must be angry."

Yeah, well I am now. I think?

Truth is, I haven't been a whole lot of angry since my diagnosis. I've been so many emotions, but anger isn't top of the "Feelings Caused by Cancer" list. Interestingly, I feel like after this conversation, I kind of walked around a bit angry. Maybe now I'm just looking at things a bit differently, wondering if in fact, I should have an anger day. We all deserve an anger day, right?! I don't tend to stay angry at anything for long, I'm sure this too shall pass.

I could go over the countless examples as to why I could be angry, resentful or frustrated. But, there are just so many. Its exhausting. I don't want anyone to feel bad for me and more than anything, I don't want to feel bad for myself right now, spiralling down through the emotions that come with me entering that headspace unnecessarily. For me, this falls into one of "those headspaces" that require

a planned accessibility, like when you plan a night of drinking and know the next day must hold no commitments. You need to be prepared and expect the consequences, or the follow-on effect. Today, theres just too much going on for the "anger headspace."

Its really got me thinking, this small conversation. I am sure the other person in this chat has never thought anything more of their words. I wonder - had they known how much time I have now spent thinking about those three spoken sentences, would the same words have been delivered? Our spoken words really do have a powerful impact on those around us, no matter what emotion you tap into.