We ask questions out of curiosity, in order to educate ourselves, sometimes to just to put our mind at ease, or on the contrary, when we are in apprehensive anticipation of starting a medication, treatment plan, building a home, taking a trip. You know what I mean. We all do it. All the time.
When actually given the opportunity to ask questions, they tend to be forgotten. Thrown out the cognitive framework. I often hear "I just knew I had one more thing to ask you" when I am sitting at my desk as a physician. When they can't remember, as terrible as it sounds, I do a silent happy dance.
At the end of each patient consult, I consistently ask, "Do you have any questions? Admittedly, I'm often hoping they don't, knowing my next patient is either waiting, or has been patient whilst I remain behind for my consultations. But, I do recognize the important to open the floodgates, be communicative and I've learned this is even more important my patients.
Over the past year and a half, I've become that dreaded patient - with a list.
The list. Let me tell you how a doctor really feels when you pull out your cell phone and open your "notes" application (we can totally tell you when are looking for it), or you reach deep into the crevice of your jeans pocket to make that crinkled piece of paper flat on your desk space. We really, truly despise it (though have a small appreciation for your organization skills which is trumped by the fear factor of how much penmanship you have inked onto said list). I used to think, "Really? How can you possibly have so much to ask me? Followed by, "Oh man, I am never going to know the answer to these." Heaven forbid, we don't know the answer. We all know what disaster unfolds when we don't can't find the answer in our brains immediately or we say "I'm just going to look that up for you." Bye, bye confidence!
I took to being "one of those patients," writing my lists down and having my support person bring it with us to appointments. Truth is, cancer or not, "doctor-as-a-patient" or not, you just cant remember those precious questions and its pretty much like trying to call Oprah when you want to reach your doctor and ask them after the fact. It doesn't happen much of the time and they have 5 steps of security in front of them. Oh yeah, I know all about it.
Lists have become my back up memory and they should be yours. Even when your doctor smiles upon you bringing it out - they don't mean it, but carry on anyway. Ask when you are curious, ask when you don't agree with something said (that is ok!), or you want clarification and promise me you will ask every question on that crumpled up piece of paper or terrible auto corrected note on your mobile phone.
If you don't, no one will. And trust me, doctors won't have any clue those questions even exist. Take it from me, the one who started chemo and forgot to ask about safe timelines for going back to work herself - as a doctor. I had forgot my list!! Now, I will try to call Oprah, or perhaps, I'll just make a list for next time. That seems much more logical.