She sat in the burgundy reclining chair next to me today. Prior to her walking in and being hooked up to IV chemotherapy, I overheard the nurses talking about her. They weren't saying anything that should have been kept completely confidential. They were concerned about her health, about her mental state going into treatment. As suspected, once Lynn* (name change) arrived, she reported chest pain overnight, heaviness today and feeling unwell. We were both going to be getting the "full whammy" dose of Rituximab over the course of 4-5 hours and my infusion had already started an hour before. Needless to say, she was nervous and those caring for her were wondering what to do next.
Lynn sat beside me, flushed and anxious. I kept to myself, hiding in the corner chair, my favourite spot to stay under the radar and out of the other patients direct view. On the other hand, I have a great view of the room and happenings around me. Im also one of the first to see the snack cart come around, 1020 with chocolate milk and cookies, then 1130 with two types of sandwiches.
Lynn began chattering away, I'm not sure what about really...her medications were confusing, her chest pain was hard to describe, her doctors in the rural town she resides had recommended she commence treatment. I was happily dozing off thanks to the high dose of Benadryl I just received an hour before But then, she overheard I was a doctor.
I might as well have pulled up a couch and to be honest, it was kind of fun for me to be questioned again and cheerfully interrogated. I tried to brush off direct questions and instead pin them on the staff. She was diagnosed with CLL seven years ago, at the age of 64. She has been well until recently and has started to deteriorate. Her son is in Ottawa and wants her to live there. Her daughter in the USA. I could go on. I really could.
Lynn didn't understand how we could have the same type of leukaemia and asked about my lymph nodes. She continued to reiterate how well I looked, though I did the same and I meant it. I also said how much I dislike hearing that when I feel so differently on the inside. She went on to question me. When did I notice them? When was I diagnosed? Why is she having the chemo agents she is having and not my protocol? She has a heart arrhythmia, is on a blood thinner, has high blood pressure, uncontrolled asthma, anxiety and fibromyalgia. Can I tell her about her 13q14 chromosomal deletion and what that means for her treatment protocol!?
Whoa. I'm just trying to sit in the corner here and hope to Jesus that I don't have a reaction to any of these 3 drugs today and come out as I went in. But, within an hour she and I had created a speedy camaraderie and I could feel her mind at ease. It was nice for me too. The doctor came around to pay her a visit and ordered an EKG (heart tracing) to ascertain whether there was concern for her heart or if much of her clinical picture was due to anxiety. When they looked over at me to review her EKG I had to laugh. I mean, its kind of ridiculous to be both a patient AND a doctor while having an IV infusion of chemotherapy considered to look at an investigation by the patient (and her husband) beside you.
Luckily, Lynn did get to start her treatment today and I continued to check in with her and her husband, while Matt continued to help her connect to wifi. I don't think I realized the power of ease we provided Lynn today, by way of maintaining our own calmness and quiet presence in the corner of the room. It wasn't until I finished my three infusions and got up for the door to look back at Lynn that I was able to understand - she was smiling ear to ear and waving good -bye. She looked like a different person to when she arrived.
The quiet corner in the room may not feel noticed much of the time, but one thing is for sure, I had the opportunity to interact with someone going through exactly what I am going through, in this moment of time which boosted us both. It warmed my heart and even put my own mind at ease. This experience reaffirmed to me the importance of being there for one another, being kind to others we may not even know, on our worst days and how that can transpire into something so wonderfully positive. No matter what we are faced with, everyone we meet is fighting their own battle.