I've been asked that a lot these days. Asked by friends, family and even patients before I left work. But yesterday, those words were heard differently, as I looked over the room to my hematologist, smiling with paperwork in hand, waiting for an answer.
Am I ready? Thats a tough one. I really don't know if you are ever ready for chemotherapy, or perhaps some people just recognize its role for remission and are therefore ready "by default". Some get only a moments notice, upon diagnosis and are immediately faced with information I had 16 months to read about, sediment and educate myself on. I just keep relating this question to preparing for my first marathon, having no idea what was coming, how I would feel and in a way, having a bit of selfish ignorance has helped me to cope.
Interestingly, yesterday I looked over at my hematologist and said "I'm ready. Lets do this."
I think I meant it. I was ready to be embarking on the phase of this journey in a lot of respects. Supports have been put into place. I am strong and healthy. I am tired of being tired and unable to work a full work week. Wait, what? I need chemo?!
The truth is, when you receive a diagnosis of cancer (of any kind for that matter) and are told the management plan is to "Watch and Wait" (which I think needs to have a name change), you are always kind of trying to prepare. Trying to prepare your mental state for supreme down time - which for me is going to be difficult. Preparing your physical being to stay strong, ingesting healthy food and obtaining exercise. Trying to save money for the day you can't work anymore and have no income coming in. We can prepare all we want. There's really no preparation for the day you walk into a hospital and for the very first time, taking medications for the first time and sit underneath an IV bag reading "CHEMOTHERAPY" - with your name on it.
I think the question "Are you ready?" often has an answer far longer than you have bargained for.