The Comforts of Home

We all have associations with the place(s) we call home. For some, it is the simple comfort in knowing there are people with whom you have lasting friendships to laugh or cry with, your family members to check in on or a restaurant you love to visit. For others, it may be the wave crashing audio you hear at the beach, the leaves changing colours in the fall, the coziness of your favourite sweaters tucked away - whatever it is, you just know when you are home and there's nothing quite like it.

Over the past couple of months and most recently, past few days, I've had to assimilate myself with what I metaphorically call 'home'. I speak of having a home as most others would, but on another level, I have always viewed my own body and physiologic framework as my 'home'. I know myself so incredibly well and have worked hard to be my own best pal. I always felt reassured by my health, my boundless energy and drive, how I would feel if I ate specific foods or simply the joy I had in wearing a ponytail - allowing my skin to be seen without obvious lymph nodes scattered in my head and neck.

I struggle these days with the balance of enjoying the comforts of my 'home' and remaining open to the change that is taking place. The unpredictability in how I will feel if I venture for a run, no matter the distance and the sadness that this makes me feel, knowing just a few months ago there were no limitations or apprehensions. The fear of what is to come, the unknown of as to when my 'home' will require maintenance for the plumbing and filtration before the pipes can again run clear. All of these thoughts could easily shadow each day, but for now, I've chosen to put fear on the back burner and let the light shine through all of the windows brightly again. The beauty of this struggle is that I have learned to adapt and appreciate what I can achieve, each day that I am given the opportunity. But, its not easy and takes a lot of work.

In the meantime, I have found a new home, in more ways than one and am learning to positively associate these changes with enlightenment. Home is never truly the same when we return after a period of time away; friendships have diversified, people get older, the restaurants close or have new management. And why should it be the same? For if we ourselves don't change ( similarly to the comforts of home), how can we appreciate what we have in front of us and once had in our lives?

Figuratively and metaphorically - home for me truly is where the heart is.